Seriously, I never thought I would wonder how long Little G was going to nap. Nap time is crucial around here. Napping is essential to the smooth sailing I hope for during the day. Yet today, I feel slightly annoyed at nap time.
By nature, I am a homebody. I feel good when I'm at home. There is always something for me to do here, whether I like it or not. I also work at home, so when I don't feel like doing things that benefit me and my family, I can head down to my quilting studio and do some work for other people. I often times have to remind myself to get out of the house and do something, ANYTHING, so I don't spiral into hermit mode.
Today its "Get all the out of the house crap done" day. Take two on Little G's shots went flawlessly. No traffic jams, parking spaces galore, working elevator, no waiting, in and out of the office in 10 minutes with limited crying. It was awesome! Stopped at Joann's to pick up assorted sewing things - in and out, short and sweet. Stopped at the mall to pick up my all time favorite candle from Bath and Body Works. Done. Checkin' off the list. Feelin' good.
I head home, feed Little G lunch and put him down for his nap. I do some random assorted chores that didn't get finished yesterday. Printed off some corrected block layouts for one of my patterns, fold some laundry, empty the dishwasher, etc. Are there still things to do around the house? Yes. Always. But I'm done doing those things. I wanna get back on the road. Ive got to go to the bank (I Hate, HAte, HATe, HATE! the bank - I'm mad at the bank - I'm dumping the bank - Go away bank - stop taking my hard earned money!), Gotta stop at the quilt shop, gotta stop at Petsmart, gotta stop at the grocery store, gotta go to the gas station, post office, the list is long. Now will the world stop turning if I don't get these things done today? No, it wont. But I want them done.
So here I am hoping that Little G decides to take a short nap and its not looking good. I should cherish this alone time and most days I do. Its my uber productive time. But I'm itchin' to get back out and get these errands done so I'm all set for the long weekend. Most moms would kill for a 4 hour long afternoon nap (that doesn't affect bedtime and sleeping through the night!) but I really, really don't want that today. Selfish? Yes. Impatient? Yes. Sigh.
I'm constantly working on balancing "SELFISH" and "SELFLESS". Its hard. My journey of being a mom is constantly evolving. I'm always looking for a way to be a better ME, so I can be a better MOM. I have learned (and continually have to remind myself), that to be the best mom, wife, pet owner, quilter etc... that I have to take care of myself FIRST. That is not selfish. This is hard to understand. I have to put ME first, so I can best take care of others.
So if I were putting ME first, wouldn't I just take care of MY errands first? Makes sense right? See its confusing! But that's not how it works. When I say "me first", I mainly mean things like keeping my focus on goals and doing things to help achieve those goals. Think in the abstract. Time devoted to being healthy. If I'm not healthy, I cant be the best mom/wife. Time devoted to feeling good about my appearance. If I feel pretty, I present myself differently, more confident, more focused, better able to help others and myself. Time for things that make ME happy, like quilting, running, reading. If I'm only doing things for other people, I begin to resent those things/people. ME before others, so I can give my best to others. I enjoy (for the most part) helping other people, so why wouldn't I want to give them my best?
Wow, I kinda derailed from nap time there. Its all somewhat related. Just roll with it. Maybe I need to spend some me time working on my blogging skills so I can better serve you with some posts that have some sense of continuity ;) If you think my blog post are confusing, just be glad you cant hear all the random thoughts bouncing around in my head! Its like the beginning of a symphony concert in there. All the parts and players are there, playing their favorite warm ups, doing some fine tuning, just kinda waiting for the conductor to come out and start the show. Except the conductor is running a little late - it all comes together sooner or later!
Okay, seriously, I'm gonna go do something else. I dont want my crazy lady thoughts to scare you off. Maybe Little G will wake up soon...
No comments:
Post a Comment